Nathan and I recently started a joint checking account. We had done the "responsible" thing and talked about money before we got married; went over our earnings, savings, and debts; and created a budget we thought would work for us. And more importantly, we understood each others' spending habits and views on money—for those of you who are wondering, we're both rather conservative with our spending, but him definitely more so. Though we have kind of balanced each other out in the time we've been together. We created a money system for our mutual money that still kept things separate. We planned on having a money agreement that outlined how we would divide our finances in the event it was necessary (though we haven't actually done that yet). It seemed like we had done everything to prepare for our finanical life together.
But when we actually went to the bank and I signed my new last name on our account info, it was actually real, and we had to actually put what we talked about into play in our real married life.
We (OK, mostly me) wanted each of us to have some separate money, because I think it's important. And Nathan agreed, so we came up with a 70-30 system, where 70% of our earnings was our "joint" money—his 70% goes into our joint checking account, and my 70% goes into a joint savings account. The other 30% is our own money, and we can do whatever we want with it. I will be saving 10% and letting the other 20% serve as my spending money. So far everything has been trial and error. It's a learning process, definitely, to determine what qualifies as ours and what qualifies as individual. What we've outlined for joint expenses include household expenses, groceries, Shelby's stuff, gas, insurance, prescriptions, gifts, entertainment, etc. Individual money is harder to define, but so far we've decided on gifts for each other and really, anything that only benefits the individual. Being married, even for just a short time, has definitely changed my views on money, something I realized when I read this Small Notebook post, which made me think about my perceptions of money.
I was lucky to have parents that helped me understand how to manage money. My allowance for a while was split into thirds--
one-third for saving, one-third for spending, and one-third for investing. Even though I didn't necessarily love it when I was little, it taught me the importance of all three. I was also lucky to have parents that were able to support me financially until I was ready to do so myself, and in the beginning, it was hard. But I eventually loved being independent and able to do whatever I wanted with it, which was generally buy groceries, gas, and going out on the weekends (while saving 10% and paying down my student loans, of course).
Being married has changed that, and after we opened our joint account, I was hit by a lot of feelings, not bad feelings, but feelings all the same. That same week we opened our account, A Practical Wedding had this post that I think really hit home with me, even though I'm not giving up my job to live on a boat or even solely relying on Nathan for income. And then it made me wonder why money was tied to independence. Of course, it makes sense (or cents, haha). Having money to spend, no matter the amount, creates opportunities for you to do what you want. When you lose that control over that, and the ways you're used to managing it, it's going to feel a little like you're losing something, or at least have that perception.
But, when I think about it, I'm really gaining more than I'm giving up; I'm (and WE'RE) trading independence for opportunities. By joining our finances and living off of Nathan's salary while saving mine, we have so many possibilities in the future, even if our purse strings are a little tighter now. We can both pursue our interests when the time comes, have money to stay home with our kids, or be prepared in case of a major emergency. So I think it's worth giving up one feeling of independence for another.
But when we actually went to the bank and I signed my new last name on our account info, it was actually real, and we had to actually put what we talked about into play in our real married life.
We (OK, mostly me) wanted each of us to have some separate money, because I think it's important. And Nathan agreed, so we came up with a 70-30 system, where 70% of our earnings was our "joint" money—his 70% goes into our joint checking account, and my 70% goes into a joint savings account. The other 30% is our own money, and we can do whatever we want with it. I will be saving 10% and letting the other 20% serve as my spending money. So far everything has been trial and error. It's a learning process, definitely, to determine what qualifies as ours and what qualifies as individual. What we've outlined for joint expenses include household expenses, groceries, Shelby's stuff, gas, insurance, prescriptions, gifts, entertainment, etc. Individual money is harder to define, but so far we've decided on gifts for each other and really, anything that only benefits the individual. Being married, even for just a short time, has definitely changed my views on money, something I realized when I read this Small Notebook post, which made me think about my perceptions of money.
I was lucky to have parents that helped me understand how to manage money. My allowance for a while was split into thirds--
one-third for saving, one-third for spending, and one-third for investing. Even though I didn't necessarily love it when I was little, it taught me the importance of all three. I was also lucky to have parents that were able to support me financially until I was ready to do so myself, and in the beginning, it was hard. But I eventually loved being independent and able to do whatever I wanted with it, which was generally buy groceries, gas, and going out on the weekends (while saving 10% and paying down my student loans, of course).
Being married has changed that, and after we opened our joint account, I was hit by a lot of feelings, not bad feelings, but feelings all the same. That same week we opened our account, A Practical Wedding had this post that I think really hit home with me, even though I'm not giving up my job to live on a boat or even solely relying on Nathan for income. And then it made me wonder why money was tied to independence. Of course, it makes sense (or cents, haha). Having money to spend, no matter the amount, creates opportunities for you to do what you want. When you lose that control over that, and the ways you're used to managing it, it's going to feel a little like you're losing something, or at least have that perception.
But, when I think about it, I'm really gaining more than I'm giving up; I'm (and WE'RE) trading independence for opportunities. By joining our finances and living off of Nathan's salary while saving mine, we have so many possibilities in the future, even if our purse strings are a little tighter now. We can both pursue our interests when the time comes, have money to stay home with our kids, or be prepared in case of a major emergency. So I think it's worth giving up one feeling of independence for another.
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